I believe that when an addict relapses it is often referred to as falling off the wagon. In my case I would say that I flung myself off, rolled three times, and landed spread-eagle in the middle of the street.
Last week I went to visit my family in New England. For all the people who don't live in Boulder, Colo., there is not a single donut shop within a 30 minute drive. Seeing as it is often labeled, "The Healthiest Place in the Country," it seems logical that any donut shop out here would fail. Miserably.
Rhode Island, on the other hand, has one on every corner. So, after walking four miles, I treated myself to a donut and ice coffee. The second time I did the walk I had two donuts, because I mean, I never eat donuts. To make up for the over-indulgence I didn't add any sugar to my coffee. I still felt guilty though.
During my trip I also ate cake, ice cream, apple fritters, ice cream, fish and chips, super fried calamari, and ice cream. Oh! and a Dell's Lemonade. So delicious!!
My punishment is that I gained back all the weight I lost....and then some. Thing is, I am not addicted to food. I will never be on the Discovery Health shows I find so fascinating. I indulge just enough to be overweight, but not obese.
I wouldn't even say my problem is food. I think it's the horrible habits I've gotten into. I never exercise. Sometimes I'll go several hours, depending on what series I'm watching on Netflix, without ever getting off the couch (and by sometimes, I mean most days).
My other horrible habit is procrastinating. Why do today what you can leave until the absolute last possible second because then you get so much more down time beforehand?
This theory usually works with my school projects. I would even say that I work best under pressure. For weight loss? Not so much.
Even though I know that weight loss is best achieved over a longer period of time, I know that the longer it takes to lose, the longer I'll keep it off, and I also know that if I have to squeeze into my dress the way I look now I will be absolutely miserable on Jim's and my special day.
And yet, I cannot seem to motivate myself. I hate measuring my food (all those stupid measuring cups and counting, it only makes me more aware of how little I'm eating), I hate writing into a little notepad all the calories I'm eating (which I usually guesstimate anyway because I don't have a food scale and I'm horrible at math, let alone conversions), and I hate thinking about food ALL THE TIME.
Which is what calorie counting usually results in.
I want to skip all the hard stuff and go straight to the part where portion control comes naturally and I know the calories of foods off the top of my head.
If anyone knows of a sensible, as in a no starvation, low-carb, high cow-fat, grapefruit binging, bacon frying, diet plan, I would love to hear about it.
I actually think that might be part of my problem. I read about health and nutrition... a lot. I know that any diet where I cut out too much of anything will be a giant fail. The problem with being on the up and up is that you're more confused than people in the dark.
Let's take cereal.
Cereal is usually high-carb, but it can also be high protein and fiber which is good. It can also be paired with fruit and that's a plus, as is pouring in a cup of skim milk for extra protein and Calcium. The problem with that is then I have digested a ton of sugar and it's not even 9 a.m. yet.
This is how I analyze everything. It's not all just about calories. There should only be 3 grams of fat per 100 calories (heard that on NPR), it should be low in sodium (Women's Health Magazine), it should have as low a sugar count as possible (Discovery Health), whole foods are best, yet I'm on a diet so I shouldn't eat whole fat foods. I follow so many rules I feel like I'm failing before I even begin.
Tomorrow, I start simpler: not take-out or eating out. No dessert. Incorporate more healthy snacks to avoid hunger pangs that lead to bad cravings.
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