Oh Cupcake!

So I am measuring my food.

All of it.

All the time.

1/2 teaspoon of honey in my tea.

1 tablespoon peanut butter on my banana.

85 grams of oven baked fries.

On the bright side I can have an unlimited amount of mustard and red vinegar, yum yum.

So, considering that I am eating well 98.7 percent of the time, I do occasionally treat myself.   This week, for example, was Halloween.  Now, despite walking down aisle upon aisle filled with my favorite mini candies, I decided that the amount of calories in one stinking Kit-Kat were not worth the very small reward.  So I bought candy corn, which I don't like, and therefore didn't eat. 

Instead of chips I toasted the pumpkin seeds from the pumpkins Jim and I carved, mine was clearly better, and put those out for guests to eat.  They are high in calories, but because they're so difficult to eat, I could never have more than a teaspoon at a time. 

I also made low calorie drinks with apple cider and light beer so as not to set back my whole week by drinking alcohol (which some nutritionists refer to as liquid fat). 

So, in order to give myself something to look forward to, I decided that on Halloween day I would allow myself to eat a cupcake.  There is a bakery in Boulder that makes this delicious Oreo cookie cupcake and I have been craving one ever since my birthday in September. 

Now, despite having a test the next day, I made Jim come with me to the bakery to get my cupcake.  We walk downtown.  I can practically taste this cupcake and I just imagine peeling off the wrapper and smelling the dark chocolate and feel the soft, oh so light texture of the cake in my mouth.  Just as I'm imagining this I look up and see that the bakery is closed.

It's pitch black.

They aren't open on Monday.

Not even on Halloween.

Jim, always willing to offer a solution, suggests going to any number of other treat shops downtown.  We even walk into one, which is basically a store of all things chocolate.  They have macaroons and truffles and chocolate cannolis and all sorts of other chocolaty treats.  They even have a very nice cake spinning thingy, like they have in diners, showing off their baked desserts like pumpkin cheesecake and German chocolate cake and chocolate carrot cake. 

The problem is that they all looked like they had about 10 sticks of butter in them.  But the bigger problem was that they weren't my cupcake and therefore would not fulfill my cupcake craving.  If I ate anything from this place all I would do is go straight to the other bakery the next day and then I would have indulged twice!

So today I am going to get my beloved cupcake. 

Now, some people might read this and think, "Silly girl, you shouldn't eat any desserts when you're trying to lose weight."

But I disagree and here is my reason.  Sometimes eating healthy just means knowing when it is worth the amount of calories you're going to be taking in. 

Otherwise, at least in my case, I would eat a million other things to try and distract me from the thing I really wanted and then I've just eaten as many calories as the one thing I wanted would have been.  Also, as nearly everyone knows, making anything off limits just makes you obsess about it that much more.

Does this mean that if you want a hot fudge sundae every day you should eat one?  No.

But it does mean that if you really want something, eat it, but know that you're just going to have to be that much better the rest of the week and work out that much harder too. Which I do. 

I have lost weight.  Am I losing it Biggest Loser fast?  Uh, no.  But it took a while to put this weight on and the slower it comes off the better my chances of keeping it off.  But today, even with my cupcake, I am losing weight and that's a good thing.

Hey, even Tony Horton eats chocolate chip cookies!

But I'm on Vacation!!

I believe that when an addict relapses it is often referred to as falling off the wagon.  In my case I would say that I flung myself off, rolled three times, and landed spread-eagle in the middle of the street. 

Last week I went to visit my family in New England.  For all the people who don't live in Boulder, Colo., there is not a single donut shop within a 30 minute drive.  Seeing as it is often labeled, "The Healthiest Place in the Country," it seems logical that any donut shop out here would fail.  Miserably. 

Rhode Island, on the other hand, has one on every corner.  So, after walking four miles, I treated myself to a donut and ice coffee.  The second time I did the walk I had two donuts, because I mean, I never eat donuts.  To make up for the over-indulgence I didn't add any sugar to my coffee.  I still felt guilty though. 

During my trip I also ate cake, ice cream, apple fritters, ice cream, fish and chips, super fried calamari, and ice cream.  Oh! and a Dell's Lemonade.  So delicious!!

My punishment is that I gained back all the weight I lost....and then some.  Thing is, I am not addicted to food.  I will never be on the Discovery Health shows I find so fascinating.  I indulge just enough to be overweight, but not obese. 

I wouldn't even say my problem is food.  I think it's the horrible habits I've gotten into.  I never exercise.  Sometimes I'll go several hours, depending on what series I'm watching on Netflix, without ever getting off the couch (and by sometimes, I mean most days). 

My other horrible habit is procrastinating.  Why do today what you can leave until the absolute last possible second because then you get so much more down time beforehand? 
This theory usually works with my school projects.  I would even say that I work best under pressure.  For weight loss?  Not so much. 

Even though I know that weight loss is best achieved over a longer period of time,  I know that the longer it takes to lose, the longer I'll keep it off, and I also know that if I have to squeeze into my dress the way I look now I will be absolutely miserable on Jim's and my special day. 

And yet, I cannot seem to motivate myself.  I hate measuring my food (all those stupid measuring cups and counting, it only makes me more aware of how little I'm eating), I hate writing into a little notepad all the calories I'm eating (which I usually guesstimate anyway because I don't have a food scale and I'm horrible at math, let alone conversions), and I hate thinking about food ALL THE TIME. 

Which is what calorie counting usually results in. 

I want to skip all the hard stuff and go straight to the part where portion control comes naturally and I know the calories of foods off the top of my head. 

If anyone knows of a sensible, as in a no starvation, low-carb, high cow-fat, grapefruit binging, bacon frying, diet plan, I would love to hear about it. 

I actually think that might be part of my problem.  I read about health and nutrition... a lot.  I know that any diet where I cut out too much of anything will be a giant fail.  The problem with being on the up and up is that you're more confused than people in the dark. 

Let's take cereal. 

Cereal is usually high-carb, but it can also be high protein and fiber which is good.  It can also be paired with fruit and that's a plus, as is pouring in a cup of skim milk for extra protein and Calcium.  The problem with that is then I have digested a ton of sugar and it's not even 9 a.m. yet. 

This is how I analyze everything.  It's not all just about calories.  There should only be 3 grams of fat per 100 calories (heard that on NPR), it should be low in sodium (Women's Health Magazine), it should have as low a sugar count as possible (Discovery Health), whole foods are best, yet I'm on a diet so I shouldn't eat whole fat foods.  I follow so many rules I feel like I'm failing before I even begin. 

Tomorrow, I start simpler: not take-out or eating out.  No dessert.  Incorporate more healthy snacks to avoid hunger pangs that lead to bad cravings. 

Stupid Cat

So....I know that weighing myself in at this point would be too early.  Due to a lot of factors like water retention and just overall freaking your body out, your weight can fluctuate during the first two-three weeks.  To avoid getting discouraged, some weight loss experts advise checking your weight. 

Out of a combination of boredom and curiosity I decided I would.  I exercised all week, well four days out of the seven (which is a much better number than 0).  I even got myself to run on the treadmill for intervals, yay me!  I was also eating well about 80 percent of the time.  The other 20 we don't have to talk about.

My most accurate scale is on my Wii Fit, it also calculates my BMI (Body Mass Index) and tells me whether I am normal or overweight.  I have recently been in the normal category, but just barely. 

So I turn on the Wii. 

Let me mention here, Jim's cat, Mia, is extremely needy in the morning.  She lays in bed with her eyes open watching my face to see when I wake up.  Then I'm greeted with kitty breath (a perfectly blended combination of rotten tuna and butt) and chased all over the apartment as I get ready.

When I wash my face, Mia's on the sink.

When I make breakfast, Mia's at my feet.

When I eat breakfast, Mia forces herself between the plate and my lap. 

When I got on the Wii Fit board to weigh myself, Mia kept running around my feet and onto the board.  I bend to the right, feet still on the board, to push her off and get her to go away for the next 10 seconds this thing is taking my measurements.

The the weight is revealed.  I lost 6 pounds!!!! YAY ME!!

Just for good measure, I decide to take my measurement again...just to be sure, I was moving around, maybe I lost more.

Another 10 seconds and my weight is revealed.  I am the same 155 I was last week.  Turns out that the 6 pounds was Mia's husky butt being pushed off the board.

Stupid. Cat. 

Oh, well.  Now I just have to push that much harder to get my numbers down in the next two weeks.

The dangers of So You Think You Can Dance..Dance...Dance...Dance...

I love this show.  The problem?  It has a lot of commercials.  Unlike Biggest Loser commercials that feature products for people with Type II Diabetes and Cheerios, SYTYCD plays food commercials.  Lots of them. 

Prior to watching the show I did great on Diet: Day 2. 

I ate my egg whites and blueberries (a super food I might add, according to Women's Health Magazine) and even packed pistachios in my bag when I went to the office.  Then I can home and made an uber healthy tuna salad. 

Then I saw it.  Chicken, fried, goodness.  I only even watched the stupid commercial because they had all these pretty outdoor lights set up that looked like what I want at my wedding.  That's when they started eating. 

They looked so happy, smiling and dunking the little nuggets of gold into a variety of sweet and savory sauces.  Eating them made the family love each other again and realize that life was worth living. 

By this time, I was hungry, and the idea of standing in the kitchen and cooking my chicken for 30 minutes did not seem appealing.  I wanted a variety of sweet and savory sauces, dammit. 

"Hey, maybe we should go out for dinner!" I eagerly suggested to my fiancee, Jim, AKA "The enabler."

"Yeah, I could go for some Olive Garden.  Ooh! Or Outback, yum," he replied. 

I made a frowny face. 

I know that the OG packs tons of fat, sugar, and salt into everything (even their salad is fattening).  I thought chicken nuggets would be the lesser of two evils.  At least it's a small serving and doesn't come with previously mentioned fatty salad and bread sticks. 

My only redeeming decision was to avoid french fries and soda.  I just ate the meat, deep-fried delicious meat.  And it was white meat! 

Of course that didn't stop me from eating five of Jim's french fries which earned me a, "Hey.  You better not be eating all my fries.  You said you didn't want any, those are mine."

Jim, let me say here, thanks for your support in my endeavor to avoid eating an entire container of french fries.  Love you, so much.

Lesson learned:  make dinner before sitting down to watch TV.  Thereby avoid insatiable hunger and need to stuff bad food into mouth. 

The Plan

Technically?  I don't have one. 

Not a set one anyway.  I have no desire to do one of those Jenny Craig, eDiet deals because I want to establish healthy eating habits for life.  I don't want to lose all this weight for the wedding and then gain it all back during the honeymoon. 

As a journalist who covers a lot of nutrition and health stories, the idea of what goes into a lot of those frozen meals freaks me out. 

Don't get me wrong.  Some people have lost tons of weight using these programs and have been very successful.  I just know it's not for me.  Plus, I don't have a lot extra income to spend on these programs.

I'm going to have to do it the good old-fashioned cheap way. 

Basically, after reading tons of health magazines and nutrition books I know that I should include a lot more protein in my diet.  That also means avoiding processed sugars and white carbs.  My eating plan is  this:

Breakfast: two egg whites and 1/2c. of fruit (whatever floats my boat that morning)

Snack: yogurt/a small handful or pistachios/ a low-fat cheese stick

Lunch: A big leafy salad with fish

Snack: smoothie (post-workout)

Dinner: a 3 oz. portion of protein, a small serving of carbs (i.e. whole grain rice, sweet potato, whole grain pasta) and a 1/2 plate of veggies (either steamed, frozen or fresh). 

If I need a dessert I can have a 1/4c. of sorbet.

The trick, at least I hope, to sticking with this diet is to allow myself to splurge one day a week. 

The catch is that whatever I want to splurge with has to be homemade.  So, if I really want a cookie, I have to whip up a batch from scratch.  These are still not healthy, but at least I can control  what goes into them and avoid eating a lot of extra chemicals. 

If this seems like a difficult diet to stick with for life, that's because it is.  I can't eat cheese sticks every single day for the rest of my life.  I'm considering this my Phase 1.  This is how I'm going to jump start my weight loss plan. 

Then as I get sick of eating the same thing everyday I can experiment with different recipes and tricks, like those listed on my brilliant friend Stephanie's blog: http://protectingdinner.blogspot.com/. 

For now this is my hope-it-works, see-if-I-stick-with-it, might-need-tweaking-plan. 

How I became a chubby bride

I suppose it makes sense to actually write about how I got into my current predicament. 

You know how people say, "I have always had a weight problem!"  I never realized I did until my loving, and well-intentioned family members, said, "Wow, it looks like you've lost weight."  I was 12.

My chubby factor peaked when I went through a horribly awkward phase in middle school.  I went up almost 4 sizes in one summer.  This may or may not have been caused by eating entire brownies in two bites in the kitchen while everyone else was outside.  Don't take this as a sad thing, they were delicious!

After that it was up and down.  In high school I started to slim down around sophomore year,  at least in comparison to how big I was in 8th grade.

I should probably mention that I was never "fat."  I am pretty sure that no one ever looked at me and thought, "Wow, she must break a lot of benches."  But I just didn't feel comfortable at my weight.  It also didn't help that I had a sister who was ridiculously thin, naturally, despite eating bowlfuls of Double Fudge Brownie Ice Cream at night.

Standing next to Sarah, a lot of people looked "fat."

My junior year of high school I was going to dance rehearsal for a musical, would come home and do a step workout (yes there was a 75 year-old-woman in the video, and no, she was not better than me at the routine).  My mother was also in a salad phase, and I was so ravenous by the time I got home that I just ate whatever she put in front of me.  I dropped around 12 pounds.   

I maintained this weight into my freshmen year of college.  I kept working out every single day.  I was also not eating very much because my sister and I were given a very strict food budget by our father.   We made a pound of chicken tenderloins last three days between the two of us. 

I was 5  feet 6 inches tall and weighed 124 pounds. 

The problem started sophomore year with the required meal plan purchase by FSU.  That year I gained 10 pounds.  Then my weight stayed about the same until the summer before my senior year, when I lived with my mother.... for 13 weeks...it was not a good time.  I would watch Jon and Kate plus 8 and binge eat for hours because dealing with my mother or stepfather was far too stressful. I gained another 10 pounds. 

Which brings us to now.  I work at Panera, where my fiancee gets food for free.  I live in Colorado and have not worked out since November. 

I went to my friends wedding a month ago in South Florida and stayed with my mother, who touched my stomach and said, "This worries me.  That's what causes heart attacks." 

I'm 23. 

Now I am 155 pounds, don't tell my mother, I told her I was 140.  Point is, I am still a normal weight for my height, according to my Wii Fit.  Of course, the Wii also says my cat Mia hasn't gained weight and she's definitely got some pooch going on. 

Though, again, I am not horribly overweight, or obese, I am not happy....and at my wedding..I would like to be happy.  Jim's parent's are paying for a photographer and I don't want to look at the pictures and say, "Wow, my back looks like one of those wrinkly faced Asian dogs!" 

So, I'm doing this because weight loss, at least in my realm, is entertaining, and to help other ladies with sexy dress missions to accomplish their goals.

Mission Sexy Dress

     Mission sexy dress has been initiated.  Well, sort of. 
     Here's the deal:  I bought a dress, off the rack, for my wedding, which according to my website is in exactly 453 days from today.  The dress looks beautiful...from the front.  From the back, not so much.  Mostly because I have seven rolls of fat hanging over the back..which may be distracting for any visibly-abled person at my wedding. 
     So starting today, my plan is to get myself toned and tightened, or as I said at the dress store, "I just need to lock it up, slim it down, and get it on point." 
    My first day went pretty well, except for eating three Oreos and getting a small mocha latte.  Hopefully, I'll be able to make up for it in the gym today, which is where I'm headed now!